Helping Children Cope with Your Separation and Divorce
Some Suggested Do's and Don'ts
- DO remember that the children need to love BOTH parents
- DO encourage and clearly answer questions about the divorce
- DO be patient with the children
- DO tell the truth about the divorce so far as you are able
- DO offer comfort, warmth, and support
- DO reassure the children that the divorce is an adult problem (they did NOT cause the divorce)
- DO reassure the children that you will always be their parents
- DO take care of yourself and your own well-being
- DO preserve the normal household routines and keep changes to a minimum
- DO try to build similar rules and routines in both homes
- DO use the family, support groups and professionals for help
- DO learn about the normal responses of children to divorce
- DO set up a place for children's belongings during the visiting
- DO make significant adults in the children's lives aware of the divorce, including teachers, counselors, doctors, baby-sitters.
- DON'T send messages to your former spouse through the children
- DON'T ask children to keep secrets from your former spouse
- DON'T use the children as pawns in power struggles with your former spouse
- DON'T belittle and criticize your former spouse in front of the children
- DON'T tell the children what to think or feel
- DON'T ask the children to take sides or pump them for information about your former spouse
- DON'T use the children as confidants or substitutes for your former spouse and friends
- DON'T compare your feelings to those that your children have
- DON'T block your children's wish to talk and ask questions about the divorce and the changes it brings
- DON'T put the children in the middle of any conflicts with your former spouse
Books for Families about Divorce
Books are a way to provide support for children who need contact, reassurance, warmth and support from those they love. The books below can help. They can be found at your local library or bookstore.
- The Parents Book About Divorce, Richard A. Gardener, MD., Bantam, N.Y. 1991
- Survival Skills for Single Parents! Paul J. Ciborowski, Statmar Edu, Systems, Port Chester, N.Y. 1988
- Growing Up Divorced, Linda Francke, Simon Schuster, N.Y., 1983
- Explaining Divorce to Children, Earl Grollman, Beacon Press, Boston, 1969
- Crazytime, Abigail Tratford
- Mom's House Dad's House, Isolina Ricci, Ph.D., Macmillan Publishing Co., 1980
- Divorce Hangover, Anne Walter, M.S., Pocket Books, 1991
- The Dollars and Sense of Divorce, The Financial Guide for Women, Judith Briles, Mastermedia, 1988
For children of all ages
- The Boys and Girls Book About Divorce, Richard A. Gardener, M.D., Bantam, N.Y. 1970
For children ages 3-6:
- Dinosaurs Divorce, Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown, 1985
- Daddy Doesn't Live Here Anymore, Betty Boegehold, Western Publishing, Wisconsin, 1985
- The Divorce Workbook, Sally Ives and Others, Waterfront Books, Vermont, 1985
- A New Room for William, Sally Grindley
- Two Homes, Claire Masurell
- Divorce is a Grown-up Problem, Janet Sinberg, Avon, N.Y. 1978
For children ages 7-11:
- A Month of Sundays, Rose Blue, Watts, N.Y. 1972
- It's Not the End of the World, Judy Blume, Bradbury Press, N.Y. 1972
- How Does it Feel When Your Parents Get Divorced? Terry Berger, Messner, N.Y. 1976
- Help! A Girl's Guide to Divorce and Stepfamilies, American Girl Library 1999
- My Parents Still Love Me Even Though They're Getting Divorced, Lois V. Nightingale
For Pre-teens and Teens:
- Coping When Your Family Falls Apart, Diana Booher, Messner, N.Y. 1979
- What's Going to Happen to Me? Eda LeShan, Four Winds Press, N.Y. 1978
- How to Get it Together When Your Parents Are Coming Apart, Arlene Richards, Bantam, N.Y. 1976
- How to Survive Your Parents' Divorce: Kid's Advice to Kids, Gayle Kimball
Jared and Vanessa have been very helpful for me and my family.
Jared helped my 80 year old mother with her divorce. She was so traumatized by her husband of 40 years serving her with divorce papers that she not easy to work with. He was incredibly patient and did an amazing job helping her navigate through the process. He was able to get her a very appropriate judgment. He even worked with her budget allowing her to make affordable payments. If you need a really good divorce lawyer I highly recommend Jared.
Jared is compassionate and kind and truly cares..he believed in my case and fought hard for me and my family..i couldn't have had a better lawyer on my side..i always highly recommend him to anyone who is looking for a lawyer..
Jared handled my case at a crucial time in my life. He did a thorough and efficient job and kept cost in mind. I would highly recommend him for the job.
I highly recommend Jared Brewer...he is knowledgeable, fair, easy to get in touch with and is incredibly responsive! His practice is easily accessable and I found the staff to be kind and courteous.
I would definitely recommend Mr. Brewer to anyone if they need a lawyer who is professional, takes the time to get the important details and makes sure his clients needs are met. He handled every aspect of my court hearings involving family/children with knowledge, compassion and experience.
We had the privilege of working with Mr. Brewer during our custody battle for our son. Jared was very knowledgeable about the court system process and adoption procedures. I feel DHHS listened intently once we had Jared working with us. We are happy to have adopted our son and will forever be grateful for all Jared and his legal team did for us!
Great family law firm. Friendly, helpful staff and great community outreach!
Request an Appointment
Message Sent. Thank you for contacting us. We will be in touch with you shortly.
|Mon - Fri:||8:00am - 4:30pm|
"DISCLAIMER: This website is for general information purposes only. It does not offer legal advice. Schneider & Brewer's attorneys do not seek to practice law in any state, territory or foreign country where they are not authorized to do so. Please do not send any confidential information to Schneider & Brewer through this site. Sending an email to the firm or any of its attorneys, or contacting us through this website does not establish an attorney-client relationship or mean that the firm represents you. A written agreement signed by you and this firm is required before an attorney-client relationship is created. Also, information you send the firm or its attorneys electronically is not privileged or confidential unless we have previously agreed in writing to represent you. Email correspondence with anyone at Schneider & Brewer does not establish an attorney-client or other business relationship. By contacting us through this website or by email, you agree that you have read and understand this notice."
Please consult an attorney for advice about your individual situation. This site and its information is not legal advice, nor is it intended to be. Feel free to get in touch by electronic mail, letters, or phone calls. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Until an attorney-client relationship is established, please withhold from sending any confidential information to us.